Many parents delay having THE BIG SEX TALK for fear of tainting their child’s innocence, or inviting unwanted sexual behavior. First, I encourage parents to do a little soul searching before caving to their fear. First ask yourself, do you think sex is an awful thing? If the answer is no, then ask yourself why. That will give you the material for explaining how sexual activities and intercourse can be a beautiful act of intimacy, while at the same time, important to enter into it safely and consciously.
Second, I suggest that before talking to your kids, outline on paper what are your values and why you hold them. For example, if you can communicate to your kids your wish to abstain from sex because it’s important to your value system, then she may better be able to understand and follow your wish. You probably know that teenagers are rebellious beings, so prepare to cover the whole gamut of possibilities of keeping them safe from pregnancy and STDs. Again, since this is a foreign talk, I encourage you to write down your key points to cover in the conversation. You can have those notes with you, and even share them with them. It will demonstrate that you are prepared and concerned, and coming from a place of love. And don’t forget the beautiful pieces of sex, and how it’s something sacred to share with someone special.
Lastly, if possible, start early and often. Kids can digest small, bite-size pieces of information more readily, rather than one big sex talk. This will also lay the foundation for kids to feel comfortable talking to you when they most need to. If you have one big sex talk, it non-verbally communicates that you are uncomfortable the majority of the time, expect for this one special occasion. Remember, what you don’t say often speaks louder than what we do say!