Reignite Your Sex Life After Kids

My husband and I have three young kids, and having energy and interest for sex has been a huge struggle… I’m wondering if there is anything we can do at home to re-ignite our spark?

Dear Dr. Jenni,

I read that going to hotels for sex can really help couples re-ignite that spark. My husband and I have three young kids, and having energy and interest for sex has been a huge struggle. Before kids, I loved to travel and have sex in fun hotel rooms. Now I stay home with my kids, and although my husband has a good job, money is pretty tight for the time being. In the absence of being able to travel right now, I’m wondering if there is anything we can do at home to re-ignite our spark?

-Mom of Three


Dear MoT,

Great question. Three kids will certainly tire you out, so it’s important to intentionally create a scenario where sex can feel both relaxing and exciting. Hotels and travel do just that. However, we can’t always travel, as you mentioned. Instead, can you bring the essence of the hotel to your own home. To re-create the hotel room experience, we need to understand all the ingredients of what hotels offer. Here are a few ideas to consider:

Hotels allow us to check out of regular life and check-into a salaciously, sacred space! Can you make your bedroom into a cozy hotel room? Some ideas include lighting special candles, playing sensual music, slow dancing together, and playing with adult products from your Adam and Eve toy box.

Hotels have doors that lock. This ensure privacy and allows us to relax and surrender to the experience. Can you give yourself permission to close and lock your door? This allows you to feel the intentional separation of space from the rest of the house and family.

Hotels inspire us to take risks. Are you willing to try something new or be someone new? Role play is a fun and safe way to explore being someone else. If role play is not your jam, can you try new products or positions?

Hotels make us feel young and adventurous. To simulate this, try re-creating those early days of the relationship by having a heavy-duty make-out session. Perhaps you don’t even have intercourse, but just explore all possibilities that stem from flirtatious intimacy and making out.

In sum, rather than go to the hotel, have the hotel come to you. If you can send the kids out and stay home, all the better. A babysitter for $25/hour is far cheaper than a hotel and travel experience. The sitter can take the kids to the park so you can have that hour at home all to yourself. Maybe you even make this a once a month ritual. It’s a great investment in your relationship!

Best,

Dr. Jenni


If you’d like to read more about how my husband and I personally manage a full, healthy sex life as parents of two young kids, check out my past blog post Sex After Kids – Yes, It Exists!
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