6 Quick Tips for a Better Relationship
At the Intimacy Institute our sexual resolution for 2019 is to offer you ideas each month to better your sex life. We find so many of our couples feel stuck in the same-old mechanical, boring sexual routine. For this month’s re-boot, try out the following six tips for a better relationship.
Three second kiss when leaving and arriving home. Most couples take each other for granted and operate on auto-pilot. To enhance your affection for one another, and to increase feeling seen by the other, try our first tip for a better relationship: kissing for three seconds – a lingering lip kiss – when leaving home and arriving. The affection will be a great deposit in the “foreplay piggybank”.
Share the best and the worst part of your day. Many couples lack quality emotional intimacy. This is a learned skill, and not one that we acquire very easily in our school systems. Some people get a decent download from their parents growing up, but many don’t. To build your skills, try sharing on a daily basis the best and worst part of your day. Don’t forget to tell your partner what makes each part best and worst. The “why” is what gives us meaning and deeper insight into our partner’s brain and heart. Since the brain and heart our actually our biggest sex organs, feeding our foreplay piggybank in this manner can go a long way.
Share the most intriguing part of your day. Busy lives may mean we do our best to stay on task and get through the day sanely. However, many couples feel disconnected because they are not sharing intellectual intimacy. To enhance this aspect of your life, try sharing the most intriguing part of your day. This could be an addition on point two above, or be it’s own share during a different conversation. Either way, allow for your curiosity to emerge as your partner shares. You may be surprised what conversations create unique connections – and therefore great foreplay.
No devices at dinner. Rather than share dinner with your device, try eliminating all forms of electronic intimacy and turn off those screens. Without having the barrier of email, text, and social media, there are enhanced opportunities to connect on all levels, to include greater eye contact, meaningful conversation, and the space to slowly enjoy the pleasure of your food! Pleasure can be contagious and when we enhance pleasure in one area, we can enhance it in others – like the bedroom!
Raincheck, not rejection. When asked to have sex during stressful, tired, or angry times, we often say No. But withholding sexual intimacy leads to withholding emotional intimacy, and vice versa. Rather than saying No, can you offer a Raincheck? The raincheck is a statement of gratitude for the invitation, followed by an explanation of what you might need before getting erotic. For example, you might need a good night’s sleep, a glass of wine in the bath to decompress, or a date night out to emotionally reconnect.
Ask yourself what changes you might need to make to earn more respect from your partner. My new mantra is: Respect is the aphrodisiac of life. When we end up settling, or simply accepting our mediocrity in ourselves or our partners, we end up feeling resigned, resentful, and eventually indifferent. “Good enough” is not sexy. Instead, if we challenge ourselves and our partners to be the best we can be, we reap the rewards of earning Respect. Respect becomes the antidote to relationship mediocrity, and ultimately the aphrodisiac of life.